i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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