First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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