I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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