You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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