Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
