this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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