ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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