Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I stole a fireplace last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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