what day is it and did you see me today?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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