hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
