I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my being single is dangerous.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
