So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
