My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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