Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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