Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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