There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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