Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
These tits shall not be calmed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
