she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
PANTIES FOUND
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
