He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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