Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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