Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
