Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
