I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
