the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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