Don't you send me to vm
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
