I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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