So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
