I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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