Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
