Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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