Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
