You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
