Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
operation have a gay friend backfired
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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