He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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