Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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