Operation Purity has been aborted
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
