i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
