I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
