508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
