if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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