his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
