I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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