Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
