i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
