it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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