I wish my penis had an off switch
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
