why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
