I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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