no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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