apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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