An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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