We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
