oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
