So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
