Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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