I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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