I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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