You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
