So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You pole danced in your parka.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
