The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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