Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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