I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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