Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
