She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
